Monday, December 6, 2010

Possibly One of the Best Stories I've Ever Read strikes again...

Dude I had a fucking crazy night last night
So you know how Jason is basically a crazy redneck?
well we were sitting around drinking when he just pipes up "let's go hunting guys!"
we're in the middle of the city, right, but we're sort of drunk, so me, Mike and Aaron go for it
We head out to the park, drinking from the camelback of course, and see these fucking geese; Just hundreds of fucking geese sleeping by the river.
we're just kind of stumbling around laughing, but Jason takes a fence post, UPROOTS the motherfucker, and just Braveheart charges this field of geese
the geese start going apeshit as he's swinging like mad, just honking like crazy tearing up the river
the three of us don't know what to do, but three generations of inbreeding sure as hell did. The fucker cracks one of the geese over the head, and it's just frozen, sort of stunned
without a second of hesitation, Jason grabs his dull ass pocket knife and just pounces on the goose, stabbing wildly, and let me tell you.. there's a fuckton of blood in a goose
this thing is hemorrhaging blood, completely covering him, but he keeps stabbing it
wtf dude? that's fucking nuts
just listen, it gets worse
We are completely dumbfounded, we don't know what the fuck just happened, but we're pretty sure it's extremely illegal
we decide to wrap up the goose in Aaron's jacket and take it back to the apartments
so we walk like 3 miles back, and take it to the field by the power station
Jason's not done though, he takes his dull blade and SKINS THE MOTHERFUCKING GOOSE
takes out the entrails, the whole nine yards, takes for fucking ever
at this time Mike is turning pale, he's looking up all the laws we'd broken, and he kept yelling about some security guard watching us
I told him to stop being paranoid, but he wouldn't let up
so he grabs the goose and just fucking chucks it, as hard as he can over towards the freeway
needless to say we were pissed, but we weren't about to spend all night looking for that shit
So we snuck home, drunk, hungry and defeated
Now that's a fucking adventure
yeah, I know, but just imagine this episode of cops:
four college age guys, drunk, walk out of a darkened field in the middle of a city at 3 A.M. after spending several hours working on something, and one of them is COVERED in blood, holding a dull, bloody knife, claiming to have just hunted, skinned, and then completely thrown away an entire goose
you can't right better shit than that
I don't think we should ever hang out with Jason ever again

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