Saturday, December 3, 2011

Stories from Nothing: Boating

catalyst: while on the ferry with L, we noticed the boat would make a beeline for other boats and then turn away at the last moment.

the tale:
Ramming speed gentlemen! Keep forward, that's it! Stay on target, stay on target! Oh, no, we're missing them! Go back, back I say! Who's navigating? Is it Jonesy? It's Jonesy isn't it. That man is the worst navigator I have ever seen. Pull him off at once. Tell him that, that, that Scotty's in charge now! He knows how to navigate!
That's it, there's our next target boys! Keep full speed ahead, they're right in our sites! The boat is made of glass, gentlemen, this should be a piece of cake and then it's back to your wives for...well, a piece of cake I suppose! Indeed!
Okay we've got them, we've got them men. Just saying, if we don't survive this, you have been the best bunch of men I have ever had the honour to serve with and I love each and every one of you.
"I love you too, sir."
Thank you Jonesy. But you're still an awful navigator.
Right, we're perfectly on target, all is smooth and well! No, wait! Go back! Is Jonesy back on navigation.
"I am, sir."
But where the bloody hell is Scotty, I thought he'd taken over?
"I'm in the bathroom, captain. Apologies."
God damnit.
Right, so we've missed them. Let's go home lads. Let's go home.

No comments:

Post a Comment