On Bad Days

They say bad things come in threes. I really hope that that's true.
It started with my alarm.
I don't know if any of you have ever done this, but apparently what I did was I woke up briefly - a moment in time of which I have no memory - and turned off my alarm. And then I fell back asleep. I mean, I've fallen asleep post-alarm before. You know, turned it off and then lain back and woken up another fifteen minutes or so later and been angry at myself. But this time I just woke up. A lot later. An hour.
Alarm set for 8:10. Woke up at 8:53.
Okay, things could be worse.
I rush upstairs and go for a shower, cursing myself the whole way. There were lots of swear words. I then ran downstairs to dress and run out of the house. When I got to my work clothes and bag, I found that my drink bottle had spilled juice all over the bag and clothes. So, swearing a lot more, I found a new set of work clothes and put all of my stuff into my other bag.
Okay, kind of shitty, but again, it could be worse.
So I throw on my new clothes, grab my bag and run out of the house, trying to get to the bus that would get me to work - at best - half an hour late. I turn up my wrist to have a look at my watch to see when the bus will arrive, and wouldn't you know it - the fucking thing is dead. Dead battery.

Now, I know, things can be worse, but it's all a matter of perspective. Seriously? Three things like that? Come on.

Buried...

...is probably the scariest, most stressful movie I have ever seen. It was also cinematically brilliant. For those of you unaware, Buried is a film where Paul Conroy (played extremely well by Ryan Reynolds) wakes up to find himself bound in a coffin and buried alive. With him is a cell phone, his lighter and a flask of liquid, among other things. He has 90 minutes before he is left to die and must figure a way out.

Now, this sound like it's just a lame horror movie which ends in a Kill Bill-esque "punching through the coffin and crawling up and out of the ground", but you'd be wrong. The movie is an intricate exploration of loneliness, the American society and mortality.

The film is brilliantly shot never leaving the confines of the coffin - ever. All shots take place within the coffin and because of this, you feel like you're in there with Conroy. The lighting is only whatever the cell phone or lighter provides and the film is mostly quite silent, bar Conroy's talking on the phone and the occasional piece of dramatic music.

While I admire the excellent execution of the film and performance by Reynolds, and also the film-maker's ability to keep the audience interested for 90 minutes while never leaving the coffin or the single actor, I do not recommend it for the faint of heart. If you are claustrophobic or have a fear of being buried alive, this film is probably your worst nightmare and even had me - generally unaffected by films - shaking for a while afterwords, haunted.

Make no mistake, this is not a life-affirming movie, but is a great study of what it means to be alive.

Walking on the Rocks

Hey everyone, do me a favour? Spread this to as many people as you can! This video is awesomely hilarious and features my friend Laurence's band, super FLORENCE jam! Enjoy!

More Random Stuff

Story beginning

“And that’s all you have to do.” He said as he blew a plume of blue smoke towards me from across the small, wooden table.

“What do you mean ‘that’s all’, that’s a hell of a lot to do, what you’re asking.” I said, shaking my head slowly, looking through the contents of the manila folder in front of me.

“It’s either do that, or lose your chance entirely. If you decide not to do this, there are no second chances, that’s that, you will never see us or our opportunity again. You decide.”

“Can I sleep on it?”

“I’m afraid not, Mr. Murphy, the time for decision-making is now.”

The Apartment Song
I just wrote this out of nowhere...i don't even know what to do with it....

i love the way when you
look at me in a way that way
i think it's so cute
makes me think you think
i'm with you all the time

don't you wish that all the things
we never had could come true
and i never wanna say i'm sorry
i never wanna say i love you

all the things i don't want to
do with you involve
shopping for apartments and
going grocery shopping

i know that that sounds kind of mean
but what it is i guess i mean is
we might not always be together
but i think that that's okay

when you think about it though
what are the odds we'll stay together?
what do you think we will get married?
what do you think that we'll have kids?

i hate to be the guy that
bursts the bubble that you live in
but the world is not like that
not every relationship is meant to last

no matter how much we say
i love you or that we'll stay together forever
it doesn't really make sense when you
think about it

how many did you say it to
before you were with me?
and how many did i say it to
before i was with you?

these are just the things we say
the motions that we make
because we're tired of soul searching
and just wanna make it work

as much as i wish i am wrong
i know that when i sing this song
you are gonna think about it
and know that i'm not lying

so when you walk away
on the day that is comes
please don't say that i didn't warn you
please don't hate my guts

it's just the way the world works
the way the world works
i don't like it, you don't like it
but i guess that that's too bad.

Possibly One of the Best Stories I've Ever Read

bash.org strikes again...

Dude I had a fucking crazy night last night
yeah?
So you know how Jason is basically a crazy redneck?
well we were sitting around drinking when he just pipes up "let's go hunting guys!"
we're in the middle of the city, right, but we're sort of drunk, so me, Mike and Aaron go for it
We head out to the park, drinking from the camelback of course, and see these fucking geese; Just hundreds of fucking geese sleeping by the river.
we're just kind of stumbling around laughing, but Jason takes a fence post, UPROOTS the motherfucker, and just Braveheart charges this field of geese
the geese start going apeshit as he's swinging like mad, just honking like crazy tearing up the river
the three of us don't know what to do, but three generations of inbreeding sure as hell did. The fucker cracks one of the geese over the head, and it's just frozen, sort of stunned
without a second of hesitation, Jason grabs his dull ass pocket knife and just pounces on the goose, stabbing wildly, and let me tell you.. there's a fuckton of blood in a goose
this thing is hemorrhaging blood, completely covering him, but he keeps stabbing it
wtf dude? that's fucking nuts
just listen, it gets worse
We are completely dumbfounded, we don't know what the fuck just happened, but we're pretty sure it's extremely illegal
we decide to wrap up the goose in Aaron's jacket and take it back to the apartments
so we walk like 3 miles back, and take it to the field by the power station
Jason's not done though, he takes his dull blade and SKINS THE MOTHERFUCKING GOOSE
takes out the entrails, the whole nine yards, takes for fucking ever
at this time Mike is turning pale, he's looking up all the laws we'd broken, and he kept yelling about some security guard watching us
I told him to stop being paranoid, but he wouldn't let up
so he grabs the goose and just fucking chucks it, as hard as he can over towards the freeway
needless to say we were pissed, but we weren't about to spend all night looking for that shit
So we snuck home, drunk, hungry and defeated
Now that's a fucking adventure
yeah, I know, but just imagine this episode of cops:
four college age guys, drunk, walk out of a darkened field in the middle of a city at 3 A.M. after spending several hours working on something, and one of them is COVERED in blood, holding a dull, bloody knife, claiming to have just hunted, skinned, and then completely thrown away an entire goose
you can't right better shit than that
I don't think we should ever hang out with Jason ever again
Agreed

Tell Me Off For a Dollar, and Other Human Tragicomedies.

tell me off for a dollar

the sign said

tell me off for a dollar
fuck you

tell me off for a dollar
you'
re a useless
good-for-nothing
cock-sucking
FUCK
tell me off for a dollar
no one will ever love you
and your hair is stupid

tell me off for a dollar
you should have been aborted

tell me off for a dollar
you'
re stealing all my fucking dollars...
...and I HATE you for it!

tell me off for a dollar
tell ME off for a dollar?
fuck you.
thanks.

dropping money into the box
looking at the sign
and taking aim with words that wound
a non-existent pride
it is i who is despicable
it is i who is useless
worthless
good-for-nothing

so...
...tell me off for a dollar?

A Dream and an Insentive

I had a freaky ass dream last night...

I dreamt I was in some huge hotel in Canada, and it just so happens that some evil alien leader named Krull had decided to take up base in this very place to start his invasion of Earth. The hotel was half destroyed, and people were running everywhere. I made it out with some friends from Canada and my backpack and we made it to an old, 2 story pub like place, via the subway underground. On the way I called Yvonne (my old Montreal babysitter from when I was little) to see if I could stay with her and she said "no" and I said "well, then I have to go and find somewhere to go" and she asked "why?" and I said "because Krull is attacking!" and kept running. Once in the pub we sat down to have a drink and go over some plans. I said I'd be safe once I got to Yael's house in New York because the USA had those little trucks with the missile silo boxes on the back and we'd be safe there - since, apparently, Canada's army isn't that good in my dream. Then I heard some weird vibrating and went to my phone...

...and woke up to my phone reminding me to pick up my passport. I hadn't even set my alarm, but luckily got woken up at the right time by me phone.





Classic Music

I wrote an article for one of the uni newspapers very much to this effect.
Seriously guys, let's get this under control.
Don't forget to read the roll-over text (text that appear when you put your mouse cursor over the image).