Stories from Nothing: The Proposal

Catalyst: 
A woman was proposed to at a table near my boss. While the husband was beaming, my boss and her friend were weeping and ordering champagne for these strangers, the bride-to-be did not look too enthused.

The Story:
The ride home was especially quiet that night. Mark was at the wheel and he was smiling into the horizon. He couldn't wait to get his new fiancee home. Fiancee. Man, he couldn't believe his luck. She had really said yes. He was so happy. The people next to them had bought them champagne, on top of the champagne he'd already ordered for the special occasion. He'd been planning this for weeks.
"You're awfully quiet," he said, turning to Brandi in the next seat. She was staring out of her window, looking at the long string of trees passing by on the side of the road. "How are you?"
"Jesus."
"What?" he said, his brow furrowing. "What's wrong?"
"This."
"This?"
"Yes! This!"
"I don't follow." A well of concern washed around in his brain.
"Of course you don't."
"Brandi, honey, what's wrong?"
They stopped at a red light, sitting there, the left blinker flashing on and off. Tick, tack, tick, tack, in a rhythm that never seemed to end.
"I don't want to marry you."
"What?"
"I don't want," she looked at him, now. Her blue eyes were cold. "To marry you."
"But," Mark felt his whole body open up beneath him in an empty zenith, "but then why did you say yes?"
"Are you kidding me?"
Mark only looked at Brandi, tears welling. She sighed.
"How could I say no?" she said. "We're in a restaurant full of people watching!"
"So?" Mark pushed the car forward. "You could have been honest with me."
"Oh really? And then, what? Said no and quietly slipped out of the restaurant, a carpet of silence following me as people say in hushed tones, 'how could she say no? He looks so lovely'!"
"So instead--"
"So instead," she cut him off, "I pretended to say yes so I could get out of there in one piece."
"Brandi, I--"
"Take me home," she was talking as if he wasn't there. "I'll come get my stuff in the morning."
The wind outside was colder than usual for summer.

Newt Gingrich: A Lizard in a Suit

I know this is straying from my usual light entertainment talk, but this is just blood-angering. According to a recent Huffington Post article, Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich compared gay marriage to paganism. Here is the quote:

"It's pretty simple: marriage is between a man and a woman. This is a historic doctrine driven deep into the Bible, both in the Old Testament and in the New Testament, and it's a perfect example of what I mean by the rise of paganism. The effort to create alternatives to marriage between a man and a woman are perfectly natural pagan behaviors, but they are a fundamental violation of our civilization."

 Yeah, what? This coming from a guy with "three marriages and repeated infidelity under his belt"? To quote his favourite book - 

"Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." (Hebrews 13:4) 

Okay, so adultery is bad. Thanks bible. Wait, it's one of the TEN COMMANDMENTS. Okay. So, Newt is obviously a very trustworthy commentator on marriage.

There's always this gem from the Old Testament:

"If a man be found lying with a woman married to a husband, then they shall both of them die, the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away the evil from Israel." (Deuteronomy, Chapter 22:22)

But, okay,  maybe he didn't sleep with a married woman - though I am sure that the reverse applies (if a married man sleeps with a woman) - and maybe he doesn't take stock in the Old Testament books, which would be weird, but then there mustn't be anything on marriage in the New Testament other than the above quote from Hebrews, right? Oh, wait,  

"And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”(Matthew 19:19). 

So, that's pretty clear, whoever divorces a wife - who hasn't committed adultery - is committing adultery themselves.

So, so far, Newt is a pretty bad source for how marriage should be.

I'm not going to do a whole piece on gay marriage in the Bible, because this website - Christian Gays - has done a study for it already, examining different quotes from a whole range of books. If you like, there is also this article from the Huffington Post covering what the Bible actually says about gay marriage.

I'm not religious and would consider myself secular - a Jewish Humanist, really - but even I know that Jesus' message seems to be "love everyone and don't be a dick". Also, who's business is it who you marry, as long as you love each other? It's no one's business but your own, that's who. It's no one's business but your own what you do in the bedroom, either. You can share it if you want, though. Most of us are up for the stories.

And those of you who aren't and are offended by such things? Don't be a jerk and start raining damnation and hell on people - even (especially?) if you think you're "saving" them (ProTip: Most people will become more averse to it this way. No one ever found religion by having a friend yell at them for telling a sexy story) - just say, "I'm sorry, I'm not comfortable with this conversation topic" and either walk away or your friends will be understanding.

Mahalo.